Back to Blogging/Post Wedding Blues

Wow- it’s been a while (again). One of my fatal flaws is I can be inconsistent…surprise, surprise.

In my defence, in the last 5 months I’ve moved, gotten married & gone to Italy. So I mean, life has been busy… Okay, that’s an understatement. Life has been so insane I barely realized how insane it was until it all stopped. Then the normalcy of the post-insanity was enough to swallow me whole.

I’m not talking like “I’m sad my wedding is over.” I’m talking I literally can’t get out of bed, feel physically ill, can’t eat, sleep 10 hours at night and more during the day… It was rough.

Leading up to the wedding I was so busy and consumed by it that I literally forgot to eat…frequently. Generally, when I’m anxious I forget/can’t bring myself to eat anyways…But this was different. Maybe it was just the constant excitement and butterflies and also anxiety that something could go wrong? I don’t know. All I know is I definitely put self-care on the back burner before the wedding and definitely paid for it afterwards.

Our wedding day was truly the most beautiful day of my entire life. The love and support that we were shown that day was so incredible. Everything went so smoothly, I almost couldn’t believe it. Isn’t that what anxiety is? Waiting for something bad to happen? It was kind of a moment of realization for me… Something bad may never happen & I’m spending so much of my time waiting for it. 

The purpose of me telling you all this is to normalize the post-wedding blues & post-wedding depression and to also remind people getting married that it’s totally OK to feel depleted and depressed after the wedding. BUT have a plan in place. Have supports in place. Because trust me when I say if you don’t have a plan in place you’ll feel like you’re drowning.

Things I found helpful after the wedding and honeymoon to combat the depression:

  • Netflix (in moderation)
  • Go outside. I didn’t leave the house for 3 days at one point… and when I finally forced myself to step outside I felt instantly grounded. Bonus if you walk barefoot and try some 10-10-10 breathing. (10 second inhale, hold 10 seconds, exhale 10 seconds)
  • Seeing close friends
  • Talk about your wedding, printing wedding photos and reminiscing about the day
  • Plan something. I mean you just spent so much time planning an event and now that it’s over maybe planning something else will help ease your mind
  • EAT. & not just eat….but eat whole foods. I was living off carbs because it was all I could stomach. I lost 10 pounds before the wedding and was totally depleted of nutrients. My naturopath told me the exhaustion was my bodies way of protecting myself and reserving it’s energy.
  • As mentioned above, if you haven’t seen one, try a naturopath!
  • OR GO TO COUNSELLING
  • Make a scrapbook or memory book of your wedding
  • Engage in your hobbies that you might have put on the back burner while planning the wedding

One last thing, practice gratitude. I’ve found that the more I think about our wedding, the more thankful I feel that I had so man family and friends there to celebrate with. I also think about and express how thankful I am for the amazing vendors and professionals who helped make our day so special.

SIDE NOTE: Also so very thankful that we live in a country where I can marry the love of my life. So many places in the world are so far behind. We are truly so lucky.

Happy wedding planning, wedding enjoying and post-wedding coping. ❤

 

 

2018: The year of wellness

I’ve decided- made a conscious decision, that in 2018 I will let go of my demons. I will drop the misconception that the only way to fight depression is to kill myself trying. I will stop criticizing myself in the mirror. The person staring back doesn’t appreciate it. I will eat well. And, when I don’t eat well, I won’t hate myself for it. I will allow myself to use crutches, but never to rely on them. I will hold the hands of the people I love and tell them more just how much they mean to me. I will become comfortable with time alone. I will support my friends, but only when I can do so without sacrificing my own well-being. I will give the energy I wish to receive, and I will give until I can’t anymore. And then, I will take without feeling an ounce of guilt. I will love the parts of me that hurt instead of kicking them while they’re down.

2018 will be the year I spend more energy on being content in myself than ripping myself apart. It’s the year I will marry my best friend and watch one of my best friends get married a month later. It’s the year I use my education in creative ways. The year I kiss my dog right on the mouth ’cause I love him so.

5 Goals for 2018

  1. Meditate as much as possible. Right now I’m using the app Hello Mind.
  2. Read articles that lift me up. Right now I’m hooked on The Mind Body Green Website.
  3. Journal. Right now I’m using this one and loving it – The 52 Lists Project Journal
  4. Eat some delicious food that’s also good for me. Right now I’m hooked on 
  5.  Love, everyone. No matter who they are- I want to find it in me to love them.

 

I hope everyone’s 2018 is going beautifully so far. And, if it’s not, it’s never too late to change it.

 

10 Things No One Tells You About Being a Lesbian

In 2017, lesbians are everywhere. Ellen Page, Kristen Stewart, Ruby Rose, Halsey…so many up and coming, talented women standing with the LGTBQ+ community. The representation of lesbians is on the rise (while I find the representation of bisexual or gay men, unfortunately, isn’t as prominent.) Shows like Orange is the new black made lesbians crazy!I feel pretty lucky to be out in a time where we are moving in the right direction towards acceptance and equity. There are so many LGTBQ+ resources in Canada and I truly feel blessed to live here (Praying for U.S.A). But, flashback ten years to when I was 14 and coming out… didn’t feel so lucky.

Here are 10 things I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) about being a woman who loves women. 

  1. Women love hard, and hurt hard. It’s a huge mis-conception than being a woman who dates women means you won’t be abused or get heartbroken. I’ve dated both men and women, and in my experience, women love harder & hurt harder. This may be because I cared about them on a deeper, less superficial level…hard to say. I also think lesbians (the unkind ones) feel like because you’re both women, they can hit you, push you or hurt you in any other way without it being abuse.
  2. People will still assume you and your partner follow typical gender roles. One of us is still expected to walk down the aisle, get pregnant and take out the garbage.
  3. Your wardrobe will never just be yours again. From my experiences your wardrobe becomes your patterns wardrobe 99% of the time. Even if you aren’t the same shape and size, I guarantee she will find something in your closet that fits and adopt it as her own. This is both a positive and negative.
  4. “Lady Issues” are a lot less ofan “issue.” Dating men was so inconvenient. Once a month I’d have to explain why I was grumpy, crampy and unpredictable. Dating a woman is like having a permanent PMS buddy who can relate and offer you a massage or hot bath when you’re feeling terrible. Alternatively, two of you PMSing simultaneously can also super suck. Can you say Shark Week?
  5. You both get to wear the pants. I’ll admit in my relationship we joke that I wear the pants more often. But, we do take turns. We both wear the pants at different times. We assume different roles in different situations based on our strengths.
  6. People are always going to stare. Despite the progression of acceptance in Canada, I still do notice quite a few stares if I’m out with my partner. If we hold hands, I see people do a double-take. There will always be one person who just can’t look away…usually the teenage boy.
  7. You can’t just “have kids.” This seems like an obvious one, but when I came out at 14 I didn’t think forward to how annoying (and expensive) this is going to be. And the worst is when people ask “Oh when are you going to having kids?” Well, maybe when we have 10,000 and time for donor-searching and legal appointments.
  8. Watching The L Word together will change your world. Any lesbian can back me up on this. This is the best thing. Ever. Period. The L word is like a little world of lesbians. It was one of the first shows I watched and felt represented in. I could relate, and even had my first TV crush. (Shane…)  Also, the web of lesbian connections on that show could not be more accurate.
  9. Going to Pride will become the highlight of your year. A few years after coming out, I was in the Pride Parade and I felt like it was a pivotal moment in my life. It’s kinda when I decided I was going to accept who I was, and who I loved. The support and love at Pride events is supercharging in the best way possible.
  10. You will have a beautiful life. Your sexual orientation does not define what kind of people you are. I have met beautifully kind heterosexual people, and terrible, abusive gay people and vice versa. Who you chose to sleep with, love and marry has no indication on your inner kindness. Be kind and you’ll be just fine.

Well, there they are. The 10 things no one told me (and I wished someone could have) about being a lesbian.

 

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What it’s Really Like to Plan a Big LESBIAN Wedding

My partner and I have been really lucky in finding the best vendors, and service providers who have shown the utmost acceptance and haven’t drawn attention to the fact that we are, in fact, 2 women getting married. But, during our process of finding vendors and service providers, we did come across a few who were…less than inclusive.

We totally anticipated that although most people will be accepting, there may be a few who ask questions that are offensive or just irrelevant. Lucky for us, we end up laughing it off. Usually.

Here are the 8 most annoying parts of planning a same-sex wedding.

  1. Being asked to sign contracts that clearly, weren’t revised for a bride and bride wedding. Flip a coin for who signs beside the groom!
  2. Being asked “who’s gonna wear the dress?” Um…we both are?
  3. Having to make up new terms for our wedding party. Eg: Groomsmen= Brides-men.
  4. Shopping for wedding essentials and having each and every sales attendant ask who the lucky guy is. Ain’t no guy lucky in this relationship.
  5. Trying to find a wedding planning book that doesn’t either say “Bride and Groom” or use traditional attendant roles such as “Groomsmen” and “Mother of the Groom.” I’ve decided just to cross those out and write my own terms.
  6. Deciding how to walk down the aisle…Like, do we walk down together, do we meet in the middle? Does one of us hide behind a bush?
  7. Deciding on what traditions to stick with. Do we have 2 bachelorette parties? 1 joined bachelorette party? Do we both throw bouquets, what about the garter? So. many. decisions.
  8. People assuming our colour scheme will be rainbow. Sure, and our tagline will be “you can taste the rainbow.” Just no.

But, in reality, we are so lucky to live in a Country at a time where same-sex marriage not only legal, but widely accepted. Despite these 8 annoying things we have encountered, we have had way more pleasant experiences and met so many accepting, kind and respectful vendors.

Happy wedding planning everyone!

Note: Janice Ian inspired this blog title.