When the days feel like too much
When stepping out the front door feels like stepping outside of your skin
When you can’t wrap your head around the idea of fighting this for
one. more. second.
Today is an important day. The day where suicide prevention has a light beam right on it. The day where people, survivors and those struggling, can feel the care and compassion of the world around them. But, it’s also a very lonely day for those struggling silently.
Suicide prevention is a tricky topic that I won’t even pretend to fully fathom. But it has a special place in my heart. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD (no it isn’t just washing your hands a lot) since I was in my pre-teens. I have slept days, weeks, months away. I have attempted suicide, been hospitalized and been to more therapists than I can remember. I have been medicated for over a decade. I have tried countless medications, supplements, dietary changes, and probably whatever else you can think of.
But, you know what I’ve found to be the most helpful? Community. Support. People with their arms wide open wanting to love me when I feel the most unlovable. But, it took a lot for me to get to a place where I will allow people to support me. Even now, my natural instinct is to struggle in silence. Which is why I write about it. Why I will continue to write about it. Because the silence is what takes lives. The lack of support, the lack of community, the inability to think anyone would stay around you seeing you at your most vulnerable.
So, here it is. My attempt at creating a tiny community of people who have fought like hell to get out of the depths of mental illness alive. I have connected with so many people since publishing my poetry collection Waves in 2017. My writing has given me a way to reach into the hearts and souls of others who have been caught in the undertow.
SO- this is my subtle announcement that I am officially writing my second book. I couldn’t think of a better day to announce it than a day that is dedicated to suicide prevention. I’ll write about my experiences for as long as I can in hopes that I can help break the silence so many of us still live in.
My hope for us all is that we keep connecting, keep reaching for help and keep riding the waves.
So much love.
Live it out. – This album has saved me so many times. My wife has these words tattooed on her wrist. These words are my whole heart.