Hard to believe it’s 2018. I remember being 17 and setting new years resolutions to “lose 20 pounds” and “get a bikini body.” I don’t know why we, as a society, are so fixated on our bodies looking a specific way. I also have no idea why the standards of “beauty” affect children & teens to the extent that they do.

This isn’t happy. This is disordered eating and trauma. This is masking the pain with control. This is equating weight with happiness. I wish I could tell 17 year old me that.


Note: Disordered eating doesn’t always look like protruding ribs and hip bones. Sometimes it looks like a 140-pound person who hasn’t eaten properly in months and likes the high they get when someone says they’re tiny.

I’m not saying I had an eating disorder by any means. But I definitely had disordered eating and wasn’t healthy.

I’d like to think that the body positivity movement is starting to shift my perception of what beautiful is though…

Because I’ve been stereotypically beautiful- thigh gap, blonde hair, tanned, clear skin, perfect eyebrows. The list of what I thought beauty consisted of is disgusting, and more-so, sad. I wish I had spent the time I spent obsessively exercising and in tanning beds loving my body and soul. Loving what’s under the surface. Below the water.

Over the years, I’ve been actively trying to find happiness from within. Not from external factors like my appearance and how much money I have. Trying to find the beauty that lies within and let it shine through. It isn’t easy though. Setting my 2018 intentions was extremely difficult for me. My automatic response was “lose weight”, “get in shape…” But I knew, that would only make me happy temporarily then I’d be searching for how else I could adhere to the societal expectations of beauty.

So here is my personal list of 2018 intentions and goals (none to do with appearance, all to do with body, health, and soul):

  • Write my second book (Hopefully in 2018!)
  • Marry my best friend.
  • Try new things each month. (This month is dance classes!)
  • Go somewhere I’ve never been.
  • See people I love more often.
  • Get another tattoo that means something to me. “Go live.”
  • Wear what YOU like. No more adjusting your preferences based on the gender sections in the stores or other peoples perceptions. 2018 clothing inspo=

  • Be kind to me. Say kind things. Believe kind things.
  • Eat healthy food to better my mental health. (not solely based on losing a certain amount of weight)
  • Love the parts of yourself that need it most. (Right now it’s my skin. This winter is so dry!)
  • Go to counseling monthly.
  • Write my own vows. (This one makes me cry whenever I try!)
  • Tell people I love that I love them often.

I hope everyone’s 2018 is going well. Be kind to yourself. ❤

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