In 2017, lesbians are everywhere. Ellen Page, Kristen Stewart, Ruby Rose, Halsey…so many up and coming, talented women standing with the LGTBQ+ community. The representation of lesbians is on the rise (while I find the representation of bisexual or gay men, unfortunately, isn’t as prominent.) Shows like Orange is the new black made lesbians crazy!I feel pretty lucky to be out in a time where we are moving in the right direction towards acceptance and equity. There are so many LGTBQ+ resources in Canada and I truly feel blessed to live here (Praying for U.S.A). But, flashback ten years to when I was 14 and coming out… didn’t feel so lucky.
Here are 10 things I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) about being a woman who loves women.
- Women love hard, and hurt hard. It’s a huge mis-conception than being a woman who dates women means you won’t be abused or get heartbroken. I’ve dated both men and women, and in my experience, women love harder & hurt harder. This may be because I cared about them on a deeper, less superficial level…hard to say. I also think lesbians (the unkind ones) feel like because you’re both women, they can hit you, push you or hurt you in any other way without it being abuse.
- People will still assume you and your partner follow typical gender roles. One of us is still expected to walk down the aisle, get pregnant and take out the garbage.
- Your wardrobe will never just be yours again. From my experiences your wardrobe becomes your patterns wardrobe 99% of the time. Even if you aren’t the same shape and size, I guarantee she will find something in your closet that fits and adopt it as her own. This is both a positive and negative.
- “Lady Issues” are a lot less ofan “issue.” Dating men was so inconvenient. Once a month I’d have to explain why I was grumpy, crampy and unpredictable. Dating a woman is like having a permanent PMS buddy who can relate and offer you a massage or hot bath when you’re feeling terrible. Alternatively, two of you PMSing simultaneously can also super suck. Can you say Shark Week?
- You both get to wear the pants. I’ll admit in my relationship we joke that I wear the pants more often. But, we do take turns. We both wear the pants at different times. We assume different roles in different situations based on our strengths.
- People are always going to stare. Despite the progression of acceptance in Canada, I still do notice quite a few stares if I’m out with my partner. If we hold hands, I see people do a double-take. There will always be one person who just can’t look away…usually the teenage boy.
- You can’t just “have kids.” This seems like an obvious one, but when I came out at 14 I didn’t think forward to how annoying (and expensive) this is going to be. And the worst is when people ask “Oh when are you going to having kids?” Well, maybe when we have 10,000 and time for donor-searching and legal appointments.
- Watching The L Word together will change your world. Any lesbian can back me up on this. This is the best thing. Ever. Period. The L word is like a little world of lesbians. It was one of the first shows I watched and felt represented in. I could relate, and even had my first TV crush. (Shane…) Also, the web of lesbian connections on that show could not be more accurate.
- Going to Pride will become the highlight of your year. A few years after coming out, I was in the Pride Parade and I felt like it was a pivotal moment in my life. It’s kinda when I decided I was going to accept who I was, and who I loved. The support and love at Pride events is supercharging in the best way possible.
- You will have a beautiful life. Your sexual orientation does not define what kind of people you are. I have met beautifully kind heterosexual people, and terrible, abusive gay people and vice versa. Who you chose to sleep with, love and marry has no indication on your inner kindness. Be kind and you’ll be just fine.
Well, there they are. The 10 things no one told me (and I wished someone could have) about being a lesbian.