Lately, I’ve been making some hard decisions. Decisions, I quite frankly, wish I didn’t have to make. Decisions that I wish the depression could make for me. I mean it takes up my entire body anyways. Making decisions when you have anxiety and depression is light fighting a fight you aren’t even sure you want to win. But god, I know these decisions are important to make.
Growing up, when making decisions usually resulted in making the wrong one, my dad would tell me:
“Life is about choices.”
I didn’t know how right he was until I grew up. Had to make these choices, with no idea of the outcome. Just a strong hope that I was doing the right thing. But what is the right thing? Is it what
- society wants
- brain wants
- my body wants
- my heart wants
- my family wants
- everyone expects from me
- is stable/safe
Its taken me years of struggling, and doing things that don’t benefit my mental health, that I realize I finally have a definition of what is right (for me).
“Doing what is right means doing what benefits your body, mind and soul. It has to light you up. If it doesn’t, it isn’t right for you.” – Tara Jean
Some hard decisions I’ve been making lately include the following:
- Go back to therapy (mine went on mat leave, and finding a new one has proved to be difficult)
- Up my meds
- Reduce # of hours I’m working to better manage my mental health
- Eliminate as many things in my life as possible that do not bring me joy
All of these decisions have consequences. But, that doesn’t mean they aren’t good decisions. It just means they may be hard to make. My heart feels heavy knowing that these decisions all have consequences, and that I may never know if the decision was the “right” one to make. All I know right now, is I have to trust my heart and listen to what it needs. I have to block out judgements, and make room for love and understanding.
Here are my 3 steps to help in making hard decisions
- Figure out what is driving the decision. Is it fear, money, health, opinions of others, opinion of yourself…
- Determine what the pro’s and con’s are. Make a list to help you see it.
- Consider the impacts of the decision and decide if the impacts are manageable.
For anyone going through a hard time, or in the process of making hard life choices, you’ve got this. Trust your soul and follow your passion. And most of all, take care of yourself.