I’ve been in counselling/talk therapy since I was 12 when my anxiety and depression first surfaced. Since then, I have been to nearly 10 different counsellors and have only found 2 that I truly connect with. My current counsellor is going on maternity leave and today was our last session for a few months. But it was an amazing session.
We discovered the root of my anxiety/panic is my inability to allow myself to take what I need, and my aversion to give myself permission to do what is TRULY best for me. When I allow myself to do things that are good for me, I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame. We worked through those emotions and she has considered I use this summer as an opportunity to do some “Soul Searching.” She said she thinks I need to do this to avoid later burnout.
So…this is it. In 2 days work is finished and I am going to do 2 months of soul searching and truly allowing myself to slow down and connect with myself. I feel like over the past few years I’ve truly lost my sense of self which is now clouded with the thoughts “I am depressed” and “I am anxious” therefore “I am sick.” Those are simply parts of me- they do not define who I am. My goal this summer is to find positive things that can be part of what defines me. Who do I want to be?